NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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