An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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