Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
