Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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