Yo dont text me then not text me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
