and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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