you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
how does that bad decision feel?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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