Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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