i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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