I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
