cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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