And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
