First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
