Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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