So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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