I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
