K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
