Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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