I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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