After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
