so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
