I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
