when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
