One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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