god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
