just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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