i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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