I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
