she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
