You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
