Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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