My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
