nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
