if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
