Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
