"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
