Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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