I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
