Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
