I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
