Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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