Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That accounts for only three of the penises
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
