so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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