No stitches, just platelets and will power
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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