wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
