i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
