Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
