she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
