As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
