you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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