CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
