Non-Jews are for practice
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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