when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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