doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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