i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i think i have herpe
just one?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
