I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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