I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
