Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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