I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
