I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
