Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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