God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
