Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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